Saito Soma no Tsurezure naru mama ni Extra: Night is Over

Published: 2018/11/14
Original URL: https://kiki-voice.jp/journal/585

※This essay contains a bonus image that can be seen at the original URL above. No paid subscription required for this one, but you do need to have a free account.


Extra: Night is Over

Countless stories are hidden in the interstices of the world.

Between eyes bluer than love and crimson silk, between the “a” and “i” when you pronounce “ai” (love), between cells when you take a deep breath, between a cropped photograph and noema, between a reckless nature and death, between kneecaps that don’t touch, between forelocks cut too short and eyebrows, between brothers lying in bed without saying a word, between the upper and lower lip of a mouth slightly ajar, between schizophrenia and paranoia, between polluted search predictions, between 24:00 and 0:00, between the stratosphere and the ozone layer, and between yourself, myself, and yourselves.


Note: The title is possibly a reference to the song 夜が終わる / NIGHT IS OVER by THEE MICHELLE GUN ELEPHANT. (not sure, but even if it’s not, the ambience is right)

Note: This essay was technically included with the book release of Kenkou de Bunkateki na Saitei Gendo no Seikatsu, in the form of a printed manuscript in Soma’s own handwriting (exclusive to Kinokuniya)

@SomaStaff 2018/11/06 18:00

Hello everyone! I can finally tell you about my secret project! Saito Soma’s 1st album will be “quantum stranger”! I’m working diligently to bring you a wide variety of songs, ranging from dark, to groovy, to emotional, so please look forward to it! -S

@SomaStaff 2018/11/06 18:00

☆Information Update★
Saito Soma’s secret project has been unveiled!

Saito Soma’s 1st Full Album “quantum stranger” will be released on 2018/12/19!
Saito Soma’s 1st Live @ Maihama Amphitheater will be held on 2019/2/24!!!
Here’s his new artist photo too☆

Details: http://www.saitosoma.com/info/

Kenkou de Bunkateki na Saitei Gendo no Seikatsu – Crystalline World

Released: 2018/10/31

※This essay was specially written for the book release of Kenkou de Bunkateki na Saitei Gendo no Seikatsu.


Crystalline World (Kesshou Sekai)

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

A classic thought experiment in philosophy.

My stance used to be that if I couldn’t perceive something, then it didn’t matter if it existed or not. So my answer to the above question was “No.” For example, in terms of communication, it didn’t matter what the intent behind my words was—the only thing that mattered was how people perceived them.

I happened to stop by a secondhand bookstore in Jinbocho, where I found a certain photobook. It was by Ana Barrado, an American photographer. The book, which had commentary by Asada Akira-san, retraced the work of sci-fi writer J. G. Ballard, evoking in me that dreamlike feeling of being awake yet asleep at the same time, on “that day, someday.”

The monochrome photographs captured rocket ships, tropics, vegetation, and the vestiges of humanity’s passionate craving for the unknown. It reminded me of Chirico or My Bloody Valentine in how it felt like I was tripping while sober. I couldn’t settle down, yet there was no need to rant and rave. Outer space and the tropics; a faraway place and where I am now. One and all. Elements that resonate and conflict. A state of calm.

Recently I’ve been reading a lot of books from genres I haven’t perused before. For example, I didn’t use to be interested in photography or architecture. I think it was because I didn’t think they were things I could create with my own hands. On that note, writing and music felt like they were within my reach. Perhaps who I am today began when I pretended that that shallow mindset was “interest.” That grand misunderstanding and assumption is forming who I am now, like a crystal lattice.

Of course, I still love them—in fact, my love for them is growing at an accelerating rate. But I now have a wide range of interests in addition to those, such as art, photography, architecture, fashion, engineering, machinery, political science and economics, mathematics, and traditional performance art. Ignorance is wonderful in some respects, but now that I have this superficial level of knowledge, I have to keep learning more forever. I don’t mean that in a pessimistic way, but rather that I truly want to do that. In the past, I read in a textbook that the word “philosophy” comes from the Greek “philosophia,” meaning “love of wisdom.” I do believe that I love “knowing.”

It’s said that in the year 2045, the technological singularity will occur and AI will surpass human intelligence. Wise people discuss its merits and their concerns, manipulating the masses. As I waver, I find myself right in the middle, wanting to see what will become of this world. Like Ana Barrado, I just want to be there, cherishing the game of drifting between fiction and reality. Like Erik Satie’s furniture music. Like a flower in Noh.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

My answer now is “Yes, probably.” And I, too, wish to live quietly and peacefully, like a tree standing still in an empty forest. That, or to keep listening in my heart for sounds that should not be heard.

I gently drift, waiting for the final moment when everything becomes a crystal, sparkling as it melts together. Not running or fighting. Not denying or affirming. Simply drifting.

(Thoughts on Ballard/Barrado)

Saito Soma no Tsurezure naru mama ni #16: A Bright Room

Published: 2018/10/31
Original URL: https://kiki-voice.jp/journal/577

※This essay contains a bonus image that can be seen at the original URL above, past the paywall (KIKI-VOICE subscription required).


#16: A Bright Room

It’s a dim, dry morning.

On nights when I go to sleep early and days after drinking too much, I often see dreams. Sometimes I jot down the good ones and use them as material for lyrics or essays. In the past I had a lot of nightmares—for example, going to the bathroom in my parents’ house and seeing that the whole floor has become linoleum, and there’s a giant praying mantis in the middle that I have to fight by myself (tragically, my skin was ripped apart by its sickle claws). Or there’s a witch pretending to be part of my family, and now she’s chasing me because she realized that I figured out the truth, so I hide inside the blankets in the closet—but she finds me. I remember those horror sequences very well.

Lately, many of my dreams have been story-like, taking place between middle school and university. This morning was one of them. For some reason, I was participating in a university festival despite being 27. Each club had to put on a large-scale play with all of its members. The university was filled with that pre-festival restless feeling that something unusual is taking over, and it felt extremely nostalgic. As the story reached its climax, the dream began to fall apart, and the play transformed into a grand carnival. My role was a major supporting character that acted as a go-between for the main characters who couldn’t be honest with each other, and I think it probably went well. Everyone was smiling with tears in their eyes, and it felt like those festivities could only exist in that moment. As I watched them, I thought, even though I’m not a student anymore, I’ll surely experience these emotions again, so I won’t forget this feeling. Today’s dream was much more vivid than usual. It almost felt like I’d leapt through time.

…It was only a dream, of course. But what if possibilities from parallel universes manifested in the form of memories I haven’t experienced yet? I wondered absentmindedly, mind still half-asleep.

There are two books by Roland Barthes on the table. One of them has a Polaroid photo taken by Daniel Boudinet on the cover. The curtains, bed, and pillow are all bathed in a deep emerald green, and like the gentle gaze of the universe, it calls me from extraordinary sleep into ordinary life. Like I’ve seen it somewhere before. Like I knew about it before I encountered it.

Light streams through the curtains, brightening my field of view. The world will be waking up soon, and another new day will begin. I drink up the remnants of my dream with my coffee, open the door, and leave my room.


TL Note: The book that this essay references is La chambre claire (English title Camera Lucida) by Roland Barthes. The Japanese title is 明るい部屋 (A Bright Room) and the cover looks like this:

@SomaStaff 2018/10/11 14:54

Hello! It’s Saito Soma. Here’s a picture from the “secret” project I announced a while ago! We’re making it something you’ll really enjoy, so please wait a little longer~! The temperature is going up and down, so please take care of your health! See you soon! -S

@SomaStaff 2018/10/11 14:14

I snuck a photo of the “secret” project, but do our followers want to see it? 🙄 -Staff K

The most likes I ever got on my private account this year was 13, so lend me your power🙌
I’ll post it at 5000 likes! Lol -K

@SomaStaff 2018/09/28 20:06

It’s gotten colder lately! Saito Soma here! Now then, it’s been some time since Date was released, and another new project is splendidly in the works! I’m sure you’ll enjoy it, so please wait for it! -S

Saito Soma no Tsurezure naru mama ni #15: Milk Boy, Milk Girl

Published: 2018/8/10
Original URL: https://kiki-voice.jp/journal/454

※This essay contains a bonus image that can be seen at the original URL above, past the paywall (KIKI-VOICE subscription required).

※This essay was also published in the book compilation of Saito Soma no Kenkou de Bunkateki na Saitei Gendo no Seikatsu.


When they’re distributing lunch at school and someone is absent, that’s when the war for the leftover milk begins.

Not to brag, but I was an extremely active young boy up until elementary school. I was the type of kid who would take the initiative to start a game of dodgeball during recess. I ate my school lunches heartily too, and I always participated in rock-paper-scissors battles for extra food.

My favourite part was the milk—I loved chugging down that cold, smooth, white substance, emptying the bottle in one go. I assume everyone in my class recognized me as “the hero who averages two bottles.”

Even at home, I often got scolded by my parents because I’d drink milk straight from the carton at every opportunity. On average, I probably drank over a litre of milk every day—casually. I liked flavoured milk too. Coffee milk, fruit milk, banana juice, melon milk; I’d gulp down anything that caught my eye.

So naturally, my fridge at home is always stocked with milk. However, recently—to be precise, in the past half year—something’s been very wrong. When I drink milk, there’s about a 100% chance that my bowels can’t handle it. I’m sure some of you are wondering why I’m writing about this in a public-facing essay, but this is a grave situation for a milk lover like me. I did hear before that Japanese people aren’t very good at digesting milk, and even in my own family, my father didn’t like milk for that reason. But still, what on earth happened to the young Saito who everyone acknowledged as a milk boy?

My research led me to a depressing reality. As I wrote earlier, it would appear that many Japanese people are poor at decomposing “lactose,” a component of milk. Additionally, the enzyme that does this, “lactase,” decreases as you grow up. The gist of it is that it’s secreted when you’re a baby so that you can absorb nutrients from your mother’s milk, but production is reduced when that’s no longer necessary. This is only one theory, of course, since studies are still ongoing. I can’t present definite proof here, but it certainly does feel like my milk tolerance has weakened compared to when I was a child.

When I was in third grade, I suddenly broke out into hives after eating my favourite food, karaage. “Ah, love is such a sorrowful thing,” I thought, and the sorrow I feel right now is by no means inferior.

That said, it’s not that I can’t drink it at all. As long as I can still drink it in small amounts, maintaining an appropriate distance, I should be able to continue my relationship with the milk girls.

As I wrote this, I arrived at my usual cafe. I often stop by here between jobs, and I order the same drink every time. I’ll be ordering that today too, of course.

“Excuse me, could I get cold milk?”

I can’t help that I like it.

@SomaStaff 2018/07/01 19:42

Thank you for all of the entries for the “Date” CD campaign! The ones with the comment section filled out will be read by Saito Soma.

*Of course, the campaign will be a fair lottery system, so you can still win even if you didn’t write a comment.